Hasta la victoria siempre

I'm looking for a job for almost 3 months.

All right, I'm not very active actually....

I really miss Ryan, Tessa, Gerhard, Reon, Andy, JB...all my ITI teachers. Recently I recall my days at ITI all the time, and those days disappeared in a twinkling of an eye...I want to tell the new coming students:Grasp these days...you'll miss the 2 years so so so much in the future.

Not like most of my classmates, I'm still looking for my ideal job. However, the more days I wait for, the less confidence I still have. I did get some offers in the past 2 months, but I didn't accept them coz it seems I didn't really like that job.

Time goes to September already and I'm still here....I'm really depressed and confused. I know I'm kind of picky because there is no job can be perfect, especially I'm a person who has no business-related working experience. I know it, but I just can't stop to be so picky.

At the beginning when I was back from Spain. I had lots of confidence and never doubted that I'm going to have a job I like, but not now anymore. It seems I lost my PASSION, and I don't know where it is and where I can have it back.

At the beginning I applied for job vacancies as salespeople, but after several interviews which I had NO feelings I started to doubt- I always think I'm not suitable for being a salesperson. (Maybe that's wrong, maybe it's just because I haven't found a manager who would like to direct and encourage me...)

Confusion and depression are full of my heart. Even if I open 104 website everyday, I seldom really sent a resume because I really have no passion on those jobs. I kept asking myself: "Where is my passion, as I know I did have it when I walked on the streets of Spain?"

I know if I can't think it through, I'll finally have nothing. That's what I'm afraid of. In the past 1 month I didn't really have good offers. I think it's because I have doubts in my mind and that results in my hesitation when I need to make a decision. Of course it's impossible for a manager to accpet an employee who can't clarify her direction and can't show her ambition.

As time goes by now I even have doubts on my English ability. What can I do or what should I do?

Originally I hope my letter to my ITI teachers should be delightful or cheerful, not like this one.:( I really hope they can be proud of their students. I know some of my classmates enjoy their job and life now, also some are struggling....but at least they tried, didn't they?

If I can have some words to our juniors, I'll tell them, " Focus on what's their future and where's their passion more than what they're busy for at ITI now." 

Actually I did think these when I finished my first year at ITI, but I just can't figure out the answer......until now.